And I'll Kneel Down, Wait For Now
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: "I don't just love him but I've fallen in love with him again." That was the first time he had said that out loud and it was hard. Even when he was in a safe place, it was hard to expose that part of his heart that he had worked desperately to close off from Blaine and protect from any more pain.


"Well you two seem to have rekindled something," his dad stated bluntly as they walked in the front door, arms around each other. There was an amused tone to his voice and a grin spreading across his pale cheeks.

Kurt felt himself flush at the comment and awkwardly extracted himself from Blaine. He didn't like the idea of his father catching him doing the walk of shame even if he was an adult and was not technically in any trouble for it. There was also the fact that he and Blaine were not at the stage that his father clearly thought them to be and the implications of that would be difficult and embarrassing to explain. "We're uh, were just friends, dad," he corrected shifting nervously under the heavy gaze of his father.

"Oh?"

"I'll just go grab the groceries then," Blaine interrupted, politely excusing himself from the house so Kurt could spend some alone time with his dad before taking the train back to the city the next day. Kurt fixed them both a mug of warm milk before settling onto the couch beside his father's easy chair. He knew he was in for a long conversation and knew they could both use the calming comfort. His dad was never one to let him off the hook when it came to the important things in life and judging by his Christmas present this year, Kurt could easily assume that his dad considered that his relationship with Blaine was at the top most rung of that ladder.

"Friends huh?"

"Yeah." There was a pause. He was hoping that by some miracle his dad would simply accept his single word affirmation and continue to prompt simple one word answers but that hope was dashed as the other stayed silent. "I'm not ready for more yet. I don't know if it's a good idea to start anything while we're still apart. That was the problem the first time."

"But you did start something."

"Dad..."

"Now look, the last thing I want is to but in on your sex life. You are an adult and that is a private manner that has nothing to do with me. You are also still my baby boy and it's hard for me to process but I can't just let this one go. That boy is in love with you. I know this because after he cheated on you, he still turned up here, offering to help out. He did it because you asked him to. That boy was terrified, Kurt. He was literally shaking the first time he came by, just waiting for me to drag him out back with the shot gun. He kept coming though because he knew you needed him to and he would do anything for you. Now I will never tell you who to be with or that you have to get back together with someone who broke your heart. I know he hurt you. I _did_ have half the mind to drag out back with the shot gun. But, you can't toy with him."

"Dad!" he exclaimed, embarrassed by the accusation. "I'm not _toying _with him. Last night meant just as much to me as it did to him."

"And how do you reckon that?"

"I'm, uh, well...I'm in love him too," he answered quietly into his mug. "I don't just love him but I've fallen _in_ _love_ with him again." That was the first time he had said that out loud and it was hard. Even when he was in a safe place, it was hard to expose that part of his heart that he had worked so desperately to close off from Blaine and protect from any more pain. There was another pause and Kurt felt his father's eyes on him again. He knew it was only his dad and his dad was the one person he could count on to always be on his side but he could not help but feel judged, judged for allowing himself to fall for a cheater. Kurt knew it was crazy. He knew that his dad understood just what he himself understood about the cheating and how it was a one-time thing done out of desperate pain and loneliness. And if his dad knew all that, he would not judge him for opening his heart again. That was just it though. Kurt _was _opening his heart again and that put him in a very vulnerable position where every look and inflection and movement meant something. That's why he needed to be just friends. He needed to do this slowly, get used to those looks and inflections and movements again and be able to see them for what they really were and not the scary monsters of his imagination, before allowing them to come closer.

Eventually his father seemed to find what he was looking so intensely for and broke the silence. "Just because you feel something doesn't mean he knows. Lack of communication can break even the most solid foundations."

"I know," he replied with a sad chuckle. That's what had landed him in this mess in the first place. "But trust me dad, he _knows_. If he's looking for something, he can spot it a mile away. He knows," he finished wistfully, his mind wandering back to all those little moments the previous night where their eyes had met and for those few seconds, the heavy thrusting, eliciting animalistic grunting from their lips, gave way to something more tender and sweet, something like the first time. The frat boy became the Southern gentleman. He remembered the smile Blaine greeted him in the lobby with after he had gone to grab them coffee. It wasn't beaming; the boy still had some sense of dignity. It was pure though. He was not hiding, pretending to be fine while his insides crumbled at the thought that this had just been some meaningless hookup. No. Blaine knew it was more and Blaine knew why he could not admit that out loud and to the world just yet and because he was _Blaine,_ he was willing to wait.


End file.
